Ready for the snow!!

Don't care what ppl think or that's playing victim to your own thinking..1.you don't know what their thinking 2.if they are then you shouldn't care!

When I speak my mind I'm so straight forward..but you rather get hurt by the truth than smile for a lie!

little update

I haven't written on my blog in a while so here is what i posted on facebook in the past 2 months:

Its not what you say but how you say it..your tone of voice tells the intention behind the message!

When your jealous your insecure about something and when your insecure you get jealous..feel confident over what you have because insecurities come when you start doubting yourself!

Everything starts with a single step..small steps lead to bigger ones..that's having patience and tolerance!

I'm tired of love but I'm happy I have this feeling right before things happen so I'll be more focused on building myself up first..because love will come and God has better plans for me than I have for myself!

Me and Her broke up again for the 4th time but its ok because I always wanted her to follow her heart which she did..i'm happy for the times we spent good and bad..for the support and attention we gave each other..because she helped me and I helped her..she's a good girl with a lot of strive so I hope she continues what shes been doing..you know if I didn't have nothing going good in my life this would hurt but things are going good so I cant complain I just got to keep walking forward and everything else will come!

How it is!

God gave me what I wanted but not how I wanted it..Love..Respect..Determination and Motivation..I got all those like this.."You really don't know how to live life until you almost die" that gives you a greater understanding of life..this cleaned me..I woke up out of all the skin I was in..into a new body..mind and spirit..that's the blessing..I met a doctor for an examination..he greets me..asked for a 411..looks at the big health record then looks at me with a confused face..examines my skull..nose and jaws because they were broken..then sent me for an xray..I come back then he goes for the results..looks at them and his face changed 100 like night and day..He had a face of believing and not believing at the same time..I don't look as hurt as I am..that's being God blessed..If you live in or around a certain lifestyle there's no confusion..that's how it is everytime I'm in a hood.."you don't look like this was over an accident but something else"..that's having a silent understanding with no words..so my cane isn't for a look...No matter how hard things maybe God always gives signs reminding me that Everything Will Be Good..I just got to keep believing..what I don't see now will be..I still have high expectations for myself and they motivate because I expect the best for myself and that motivation doesn't like being idol at mind..so I stay active until I rest my eyes.. surviving what I survived doesn't allow me to be jealous..I Shed Blood On The Streets..I been through some shh..so if you haven't been through that there's nothing you have that'll make me jealous..life experiences can't be bought..the counsellor told me ppl say I'm lucky..lucky? for what?don't envy glamour without envying the pain..its not luck but a Blessing...working out is a mental expression..I work out my thoughts..if I didn't have abs working out wouldn't be as fun..its been a min..so I put everything I been writing together into an expression!

Don't bring your PAST into your FUTURE..if your still on the past means your NOT ready for the future!

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Show love rather than saying it..everybody can say those words but only a few can show it!

Deep words!

Life is like school with lessons and tests..the pain you feel is a wrong..the change you make is a right..I woke up and became more aware..that made me realize and change the direction I was walking..thoughts and living..God knows my mind..and how life can blind me from seeing the potential..then I get a reassurance that everything is going to be good..I'm not a lone through all this..I can't forget how far I've come..the respect is what keeps me in a good nature..from friends..friends of friends..people I just met and have a conversation with..some who heard what happened but haven't seen me since and do in the street..on the bus..mall..resto..its a bless meeting..God keeps reminding me there's love in all this..I'm on the next chapter..writing words for the new page..everything is done with..justice is justice..small or big..everyday wake and sleep to your own "mistake"..you'll reap what you sowed..that's the balance of life..2 weeks ago after church someone asked to speak with me and my sis..beyond what was spoken about..its who he is..he seen no hate in my reaction and voice when he introduced himself to me..after our talk he felt so much weight has been lifted off his chest..I seen the sincerity in his eyes..there's two Sam's..the one you see and the one you don't..physical and mental..mental pain doesn't hurt but you can't escape from your mind..only through death..even when you sleep your mind is still working..so this is all in my mind I sleep and wake to this..that's why I can be solo..I live in my mind..with No worries..my sister said I have a poker face..that's a face with no emotion..you can't tell what I'm feeling..that's how it is when I'm in a thinking mode..no eye contact just focused on my thoughts and destination..this took away the ability to go school to get a job after..so I'll go to school just for knowledge..no grades..tests..exams or a diploma..I'm going to do creative writing..I'll learn more writing skills to express my thoughts with a deeper understanding my dream is to put all of this into a book when all my plans come together..one door closed so I'm opening another!

Some Real Ish!

Money is comfort not happiness..you can buy comfort..you can't buy happiness..happiness may comfort you and comfort may bring happiness but money doesn't..I'm comfortable..that's my happiness with no reasons to be sad..a million reasons to be angry...but my progression keeps me going..I won't let life beat me up because that's what you live..when I woke up from the coma and looked in the mirror..I was like f**k..this ain't real..I'd keep asking myself this is how your life is going to be like?*shook my head* nah and fired my determination..I couldn't hate myself n my life that's a bad combination..so I Built Myself Back..I love myself..that's what keeps me happy..myself and where love starts..you don't wanna love yourself because someone loves you..you wanna love yourself so even if your not loved your still good..hate is love and love is hate..you can hate to love or love to hate..when your hated your loved..because your in the mind of your haters..everything happens for a reason I didn't go through this for nothing so this is going to bring me somewhere..that's a Promise To Myself!

Don't envy "glamour" without envying the pain that brought it!

To me in a family everyone is equal after the parents so with every sibling there is no superior especially when the ages are close because at that point age is just a number..talking with a superior mind state means there's consequences..when the ages are close there is no consequence..consequences are done by power..and in equality there is no power..or else it wouldn't be equality..so any reaction to that case should be understood..

I lost the flow to rap but i ain't lose my sense..to take words and form a message to be understood..if i cant do what i wanted to i'll do what i can and that's to inspire others to overcome and believe..that there's a starting and an end to every problem that we face..but if you lose the ambition to overcome you never will..what inspired me is all the bad and negatives..that are fuel to my determination..because without good there is no bad and without bad there is no good..that's the balance of life..no life is perfect..but my life is accomplished no matter what I lost but what I gained..i left a signature on life 3 times..and that's something people don't achieve..cause not everybody survives the battle life gives to teach..so..I..am..learned..in what you cant go to school to learn..because life is the best school!

That day he did 3 things..expressed his anger..changed my life and got himself in trouble..I didn't break no street rules..he can only be mad that I didn't die..he did this to himself..I heard some people think the sentence was too much but any rational thinking person says it just a slap on the wrist because what he did to me is way worst than ANY jail time..people need to understand that..physically i'm good..mentally i'm not..mental problems can be hiding physicals can't..so just because you don't see a problem doesn't mean there is none!

This ruined my life no one can tell me it didnt because your not me. When something takes your ability to achieve thats taking away your chances at success and thats the problem no one sees. I don't complain I just speak what I feel and feel what I speak, turned my pain into words and art. Expressions feel like exhales I breathe out I dont want to choke in my own thoughts!

Things done with evil intentions never prosper..dont be upset at the outcome of an act but the act itself because the outcome doesnt matter when the act caused and changed  more than the outcome!

Deep thoughts!

Healing is good..no one wants to stay hurt but bad when you heal enough to realize the effects of the injury..the brain heals until it reaches a stalemate and that's where i'm at..sometimes I forget how much I've overcome until I snap myself back..God gave me what I wanted but not how I wanted it..growing up I always wanted to motivate and inspire..I didn't think through PAIN I'd find that motivation and inspiration..negatives can be positives..I turned what happened to me into an inspirational story to overcome the difficulties life throws at you..it took 2 years of writing and editing with my speech therapist..last week on Wednesday it was spoken and recorded to all the therapists in rehab..if I can't do what I wanted to I'll do what I can..In life some of the things we do to strengthen ourselves are the same things used to weaken us..depends what we called strength cause in every strength there’s a weakness and in every act there’s a fault..you reap what you sow and you sowed what you reap! I’m 26..this affected my life not years of it..people who survive live with the pain of survival..it’s not a joke..all I did was survive and progress...sometimes we get ourselves in trouble and that’s the heart of mistakes..but you got to live with it..if I made a mistake I’m living with it..if you made a mistake your living with it..life is not perfect..with no justice there’s no peace...since I woke up from the coma I had no peace in my mind..I was at war with it..that’s why I had such angry outbursts now my mind is at peace!